So everyday I still find myself asking why you aren't here. How this can even be real. As I watched Jayden the other day pointing to all your pictures, he says "my daddy" with such pride Chris. It breaks my heart to know that he is growing up without you. And it kills me softly everytime to hear him say his daddy is in the sky. I am finding that more and more I can't concentrate on anyone or anything but you. I can always keep up a strong front, but only you and I know the truth... I need your help little brother. I need you to help me regain my focus because I feel like I'm drowning without a life jacket. Every day that has gone by in these 7 months still feels like I'm living in a bad dream and it gets so hazy and foggy sometimes that I just become lost to no end. I feel like this is the most horrible ride we could ever be on. I can't understand how that night happened and how you never made it back home. Everyday I replay that day seraching for you and trying to be calm but feeling that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Please Chris, help this pain to cease and if you can't make it stop, please just make it hurt a little less. Everyone says time heals all wounds but no one can say that unless they are going through what we are and feeling the agonizing pain we feel. No one can speak on what you would've wanted because only we know you in that way, no one can say what you felt as you were leaving this world. NO ONE can even imagine the loss we have suffered. I say it everytime I see you, I can't understand how time has just kept moving. I really do feel like the whole world should've stopped when you died. There are demons that we all carry within ourselves and I'm still so angry that you aren't here. There is no help in making that go away unless you can undo that night and erase the past 7 months and just come back. Continue to watch over us as you always do. I love and miss you so much. Always have, always will. Love Your Big Sis Amy