My little brother... I went to church today at River Pointe to visit again. I find that what is driving me and pushing me to go is the thought that one day God just might clue me in as to how and why all this happened. I know that we are not supposed to ask why but I need some kind of understanding Chris. The days and nights are still so hard and long to get through. Some days I feel like I've back tracked and the pain over takes me entirely. I never knew that I could miss and long to see someone so much as I have you. When I went to service today, there was a song that touched my heart and I could tell it was meant for me to hear although now I can't remember the words. But what I do remember is at the end the pastor asking us to bow our heads and to ask for the truth we are seeking. I asked for God to bring to me the truth in your passing. I know that you were needed up there and that is why you had to go but I need to understand the truth in the reason. As I left there today my heart didn't feel as heavy as it had before and even still in this very moment, it still feels a tiny bit lighter. Christopher, you are well aware of the next challenge we are about to face and I pray that you help to make everything right. While we here on Earth can pray and claim some greater sense of God and some greater healing over us, we are to be reminded that just because we believe that what we are doing is right and just, that only God knows if it is. Only he can judge that. I pray that you soften the hearts of the people who you know need it and that you help us to be victorious once again. Continue to stand by us and watch over Jayden and us as you have been doing. I love and miss you so much that words will never quite convey that feeling. Until we meet again little brother... I'll search for you in the skies... I love you Christopher. Your Big Sis, Amy